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    親生,輕生

    時間:2015-08-24 來源:原創 編輯:忘年戀 閱讀:

      不知道是多久以前開始的,開始有這個想法。

      看著眼前的自己,我做到了啊,可是心里怎么會有這種感覺……

      “情況很不樂觀。”

      “拜托您啊!請醫生一定要救救我的兒子,我只有他一個孩子啊……”

      媽,算了吧。那種要死不活的兒子,不要也罷……

      媽,別再哭了,再哭我會有罪惡感的……

      我會有罪惡感的,真的。

      ……您聽的見嗎?

      想想也覺得可笑,罪惡感早就布滿我的全身了啊。

      從很久、很久以前開始……

      ……那些日子以來。

      “拜托!別再打了啊!”我不懂。

      “爸!快住手啊!”為什么?

      我不懂,為什么我媽要平白無故的受這種苦?

      我也不懂,為什么我爸可以這么毫無理由的打我媽?

      到底為什么?

      從我很小開始,對我父親的印象,不是普通的差。

      他時常不在家,有時候出了門要過個好幾天、甚至好幾個禮拜才會回來。而每次回來,受苦的總是她,我母親。

      我不知道我父親在外頭做的是什么工作,我沒問過,又不想問。理由是,我還小。

      但我知道,父親每次回到家,有好幾次都帶著不同的女人回來,為什么媽都沒看見呢?

      后來我才清楚,原來她不是沒看見,是視而不見。

      記得有一次我問我媽:“爸爸是在做什么工作的啊?為什么常常不在家呢?”

      “小孩子別管那么多!”她兇我,附帶一巴掌。

      我錯了嗎?

      那次之后我就沒再問過了。

      不過我還是很好奇,什么工作讓我爸壓力這么大?大到回到家必須拿我媽當出氣筒、打完后刁根煙翹著腿看著電視笑的很開心才甘愿?

      “媽媽,我去報警吧。”有次,他拿著木板打完我媽之后,出門去了。

      我從房間門后,那個每次父親施暴時讓我躲避一切的門后走出來,將她扶起。

      “不行!”她喊。

      “可是……”

      “你父親被抓走后,我們怎么過活啊……”她吼著,哭了。

      “可是媽媽,你身上好多傷……啊!又流血了!”我拿起醫藥箱,替她擦藥。

      “你不會懂得……你年紀還太小……不了解……”她越吼越大聲,眼淚一直流。

      “可是爸爸他每次都打你打的很兇啊!”我跟著吼了起來,“他要是消失在這世界上就好了!”

      啪——!“你說這什么話!”

      她打了我一巴掌,很痛,痛的不在臉上,在心里。

      我感覺我的臉濕了。

      我哭了,是第一次,在母親面前。

      爸爸,您看見了嗎?

      媽媽身上的那些傷、獨自躲在門后哭的我……

      以及這個破碎的家庭。

      看見了嗎?

      我說的話,竟然靈驗了……爸爸真的消失了……

      就在當天的晚上,他出了車禍,過世了。

      它帶走的,不只是我的父親、以及我母親的丈夫。

      它還帶走了我渴望已久卻一直得不到的父愛、和這個家的支柱。

      那時,我才八歲。

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